


Through the Looking Glass

by Meridian (Meri)



Category: Smallville
Genre: 1st season, AU, First Time, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2002-12-08
Updated: 2002-12-08
Packaged: 2017-10-11 21:49:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/117485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Meri/pseuds/Meridian
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clark fixes the past</p>
            </blockquote>





	Through the Looking Glass

**Author's Note:**

> **Disclaimer:** Clark, Lex and everyone else are used without the permission of DC Comics, Warner Brothers, Tollin/Robbins or Millar/Gough Ink.
> 
>  **Disclaimer 2:** References to and quotes from Through The Looking Glass by Lewis Carroll are also used without permission.
> 
>  **Notes:** Thanks to my beloved editor: Marcelle and my wonderful betas Lanning Cook, Stacey B., and Suzan L.

"We did this. You and I," Superman said to the President of the United States as they stood on a bluff overlooking the skeletal corpse that had once been Metropolis. All that existed now was a smoldering ruin of charred steel and broken glass.

Everyone who had been in the city at the time of the disaster had died instantly. Those in the countryside had not been so lucky. For some, it had taken months. Superman's parents, for instance.

"Surely, you don't think _I_ had anything to do with it?" the President said silkily, disdain in his words, hatred in his eyes.

The President tried to pull away, but Superman held him easily, his red cape protecting the white suit from the ash and soot that swirled up from the remains. "I know you had everything to do with it."

"If I had, you'd be able to prove it." The President stared up at him, wide-eyed, affecting an innocence he'd never known.

"That I can't only means you did a better than usual job of hiding it."

"Were I you, Superman, I'd think twice about accusing me without evidence." The tone was haughty and slightly menacing.

"I don't need the evidence. I know you did this. Just as I know that it's as much my fault. I let you get away with it, allowed the animosity to go on for as long as it has. It should never have come to this, to other lives lost." Superman shook his head at his own folly, his stupid hope that there would never be collateral damage.

"You allow nothing. You serve at _my_ convenience, not the other way around. Do try and remember that." A smirk lit the President's face for a moment, but it didn't last. He looked back at the smoldering sight.

"I do not serve you. I serve the people of this country," Superman snapped angrily, knowing he shouldn't allow himself to be provoked, and unable to stop the reaction coiling in his belly.

"It's the same thing. I am this country. Duly elected." The President stood straight in the circle of Superman's cape, his chest puffed out like some strange, white peacock.

It was useless to argue. "Enough. I want to know what caused this."

The President raised an eyebrow mockingly. "I'm told that it was nuclear reaction of some kind, but we'll never know for sure."

Superman looked at him, and then out at the desolate landscape. "Why would you risk so many lives to kill me?"

"I wouldn't do that. You're too far beneath my contempt for me to trouble myself with you." Even looking up at him, the President had a way of making Superman feel as if he were somehow looking down his nose instead.

It was a great trick. Maybe he should learn it. Of course, it was probably something that a person needed to be born to. Lex Luthor had years of being superior to work from and Clark Kent was still a farm boy at heart. "You've been trying to kill me for years."

The President snickered at him, rolling his eyes. "You know, they can do a lot with drugs to help paranoia these days. You should see someone."

Superman swallowed hard against the anger that the cavalier words caused. "Cut the crap--"

"Such language." Shaking his head, the President laughed out loud. "What would your adoring public say to that? Superman, swearing," the President said, his eyes widening in some facsimile of surprise. "Would the world be as shocked as I am?"

"You're mad aren't you?" It was one of the explanations that Clark had allowed himself to believe. The one that hurt the least.

"No more than ever," the President said. "Who can tell? Who would care?"

Clark cared, had always cared. "All I ever did was try to be your friend." Clark heard the question in his own tone and for a second, it looked like Lex might respond to it.

"You--" Lex cut himself off. "I have no idea what you're talking about. You and I don't know each other."

"Yes we do. Enough of this, Lex. It's time to start trying to repair the damage rather than making it worse. I'll need your help."

"Don't be ridiculous. This can't be fixed by super powers, even ones such as yours." His voice and stance said that Lex couldn't be bothered to care, anyway.

"I can see that it never happens. Or I can try. Tell me Lex, what did I do to you to make you hate me so much that you'd kill a million people to try and hurt me?"

When Lex looked at him, Clark could see the hatred burning in his eyes. Along with the anger and the madness, there was something else, something Clark couldn't believe he was seeing, not in those grey-blue eyes, not after everything that happened.

He closed his eyes as the knowledge passed through him, carving a trench in its wake. Maybe a million miles and years ago, Clark would have believed it, welcomed it, but now, now, it came as a cruel joke. "Why didn't you ever tell me how you felt about me?"

"I did. With everything I did, every word, every gesture. You were too blind to see it." The bleakness of the tone and the look in Lex's eyes slammed into Clark.

"I was so young. By the time I was ready to respond, you'd already started to become your father." Maybe if he'd gone with his heart, instead of his head, everyone he'd ever loved, including Lex, would be alive. Because he'd been afraid, Lex had been left alone to go mad with the grief.

Lex smiled, lips parting to reveal perfect white teeth that seemed to glow in the dimness around them. "You think I'm like my father? Oh, how wrong you are. I'm a hundred, no wait, a thousand times worse than my father ever hoped to be." He looked at Clark and chuckled. "Be grateful you'll never know how much worse."

"I do know, much to my horror." Clark tilted his head. "Are you saying that you wouldn't have done any of this, if I had known and returned your... feelings?"

"Can't you just hear me, sobbing to my shrink about it? My mommy died. My nanny betrayed me. My daddy hated me. Worst of all, my one true love was too stupid to realize it." He turned toward the ruin, maniacal laughter filling the air. "Please. Clark, even you aren't gullible enough to buy that load of crap."

Except that it was true. "Maybe not." Clark detached the cape. "I'll be back soon."

"You can't just leave me here," Lex said in the perfectly outraged tone that skated along Clark's nerves.

"Sure I can." Clark launched himself into the air. He had something to take care of and then he'd get the President back to the White House.

* * *

"Who's there?" Clark called out into the empty loft. It was late and he wasn't expecting anyone. Well, maybe... "Lex?"

"No. Not Lex." A man wearing faded jeans and a white t-shirt came up the steps and stopped in the light. Clark took in the details of his face, and God, he looked just like him, but... not so much older, as tired and worn out.

Clark sucked in a breath. Oh, God, that wasn't possible. No way he could be seeing what he thought he was seeing. Jumping up from the battered couch he'd been lying on, Clark backed away. It had to be too much coffee or something. Could you get hallucinations from an overdose of caffeine? "Who are you?"

The man stood still, not moving in any way. Maybe trying to be nonthreatening. "I think you know who I am," he said quietly. His voice had the same tenor and cadence that Clark's did.

He was as big as Clark, too. Maybe even broader across the shoulders. If he were a version of Clark, then he might have the same gifts, too. Possibly more or greater ones since he was clearly older. A trickle of sweat rolled down Clark's spine. Whatever else happened, he needed to stay calm. "Yeah. You know, I don't think that's possible. So, who are you?"

"Clark, it is possible. Not easily accomplished, but definitely possible. Look, I don't have a lot of time to convince you. I'm you. From the future."

Clark's mind slammed into reverse from 5th gear, and he blurted out the first thing that came to mind. "If you're me, then who am I?" Which now that he thought about it, might not have been the brightest thing he could have said.

The man shook his head and laughed. "I can't believe I was ever young enough to say that. You'll have to believe me."

Getting his brain working again would be a good thing, and if he could sound at least remotely intelligent, that would be better. Clark glared at the guy. "How do I know you're me?"

The other Clark smiled again. "The standard response would be for me to tell you something that no one else knew."

Clark thought about that for a second. Even if it were cliche, it was a good idea. The truth was he was starting to believe it without anything other than a few words exchanged. The guy seemed like...well, like him. "Okay. What?"

His brow creasing, the other Clark was silent for a second. Considering his options, Clark supposed. "How about that you're an alien and you have powers you can't explain."

"Um... that would be a good start. If you're me, do you know anything else about them or the whole alien thing?"

"I..." The other Clark ducked his head and then looked away. "I'm sorry. I can't tell you about that. I don't want to mess up your future."

Clark could tell his disappointment was apparent on his face. "Nothing?"

The other Clark shook his head. "Only that it will work out for the good. If you listen to me now."

That wasn't good enough. The other... him, Clark supposed, had answers that he desperately needed. "I'm not convinced you're me, yet. Tell me about being an alien."

"Sorry, Clark. That won't work." The other Clark said, with a small smile before his expression turned dark. "If you don't want Cassandra's prophesy to come true, then you have to listen to me."

"Cassandra?" Oh, God. Ever since it happened, Clark had lived in absolute terror of those visions and what they might mean. Over time, he'd half-convinced himself they were some kind of metaphor. "What do you know about it?"

"That she saw a vision of the future and you saw it, too: the graves of everyone you know. It actually happens."

No. No. No. Clark felt the blood drain out of face, and the air rush out of his lungs. It felt like a spike of meteor rock had been stabbed through his entire body. He staggered backward.

Trying to pull himself together, he forced his eyes open. He would not accept that. He looked at the man who he would be, shaking his head. "No, please."

"If you don't do as I say, then every one of those graves will be filled." The grim reality in the other Clark's voice was more than enough to convince Clark that he was telling the truth. Eyes that were exactly like his own and filled with unimaginable pain pinned him to the wall. "I saw it, Clark. I saw it happen. I survived it, but no one else did."

Wait, what about, "Lex? His grave wasn't there -- in the vision."

The other Clark's face was sad and Clark already knew he didn't want to hear it, but the other Clark said it anyway. "Lex caused it."

"How could Lex do such a thing? I don't understand." Clark knew he wouldn't. Lex was a good man. Okay, maybe he was a little obsessive compulsive and did things that he shouldn't, but he didn't do them with malicious intent. He never did anything to deliberately hurt anyone.

"He's not the man you know now. He's changed by time and by choice and a lot of bad decisions on both of your parts. He's hurt. Bitter. Angry."

"What hurt him? How? How do I stop it from happening?" Clark would do anything he had to do so that Lex didn't turn out bad.

"What you can do is tell him how you feel about him."

"Feel?" Clark heard the squeak in his own voice. "Lex is my best friend. He already knows that."

"He's more than that, though isn't he? You love him," the other Clark said, as if he knew that for certain, but Clark wasn't a hundred percent sure, himself.

"Of course, he's my friend." He looked at the other Clark and saw what he meant. "You mean, like... like..."

"Like that. Like a lover. Yes. You need to be honest with Lex about your feelings and about everything else as well. The secrets between you are what destroys your friendship. You and he are destined to hate each other and he is destined to kill everyone else you hold dear."

"Not Lex." Clark wanted to put his hands over his ears to shut out what the other Clark was telling him.

The other Clark's eyes were sympathetic, but intractable. "Unless you find a way to keep him from it, and keep him on the right path, you're both going to end up regretting it for the rest of your lives.

If he could have, Clark would have taken another step back, but his back was already against the wall. "Um..."

"I know you weren't expecting this. But I also know you have it in you to take the chance and make this work, for both of your sakes."

"How? How do you know how I feel?" Oh, he knew he liked Lex. Liked him a lot. He fantasied about Lex when he was alone, but he also thought about other people, too. Though lately, it had been more of Lex and less of everyone else.

The other Clark gave him a look. "I remember."

"Oh, yeah." Laughing hysterically would probably be a bad thing right now, but Clark was a hair's breadth from doing it anyway.

"You have to tell Lex everything," the other Clark said again, as if he needed it reiterated.

Clark got it fine. "Oh, and he's going to want some hick from Smallville." Clark laughed nervously at the idea. Hadn't Lex said a couple of months ago that he thought of Clark as a little brother?

"You're a lot more than that, Clark."

Yeah, right. Adults always said things like that to make you feel better. Apparently, he was no better as a grown-up than anyone else. Now, there was a depressing thought. "Okay, an alien hick from Smallville."

"He loves you, but remember that the distance between love and hate is very short." The other Clark started to back away.

"Wait!" Clark couldn't believe he'd leave like this. "I have more questions --"

"-- which will be answered over the course of time, I promise. I've stayed too long already."

Clark watched him turn to go, and muttered, "You know, a hint would be nice."

Before the other Clark could do more than smile at him, the sound of boots hitting the wooden steps filled the loft, and Jonathan appeared on the landing.

"What's going on..." he trailed off when he saw the other Clark. His jaw dropped open in surprise.

For one second, no one moved or spoke. Jonathan's eyes went even wider as the other Clark smiled tenderly at him, taking a step forward, and reached out to brush a lock of his hair off his forehead.

"I'd forgotten how blond you were." The other Clark's voice cracked and Clark could see tears in his eyes.

Then he was gone. Vanished. Not a sound, nothing. Just gone.

Clark looked at his father and Jonathan looked at him. Then they moved in lock-step, sitting down heavily on the couch, and looked at each other again.

"Do you have an explanation for this?" Jonathan didn't sound too hopeful.

Which was a good thing as far as Clark was concerned. "No. I can only tell you what he said and what I have to do about it."

"That might be a good place to start." Jonathan took a breath. "What did he want?"

The urge to laugh hysterically hit Clark again and he had to fight it down. "To tell me about the future."

Jonathan pushed his hand through his hair, and gave Clark a resigned look. "I'm not going to like this, am I?"

Massively huge, too big to even imagine, understatement. He shook his head with a wry grin. "Probably not."

The silence grew between them. Clark needed a couple of seconds to rearrange his thinking and his life. He supposed he should be grateful his father had seen the other Clark; he didn't have to try and explain it. "I need to go and see Lex, right now. Tonight."

He had his dad's attention now. As a matter of fact, Jonathan's gaze seemed riveted on him; he was already shaking his head, responding by rote. "It's late. You have chores in the morning. Wait." Jonathan held up his hand as if what Clark said had finally penetrated. "What does this have to do with Lex?"

"Too much." Opening his mouth to tell his father everything, he found nothing coming out. He couldn't say it. He had to, because if he couldn't tell his father, how on earth would he tell Lex? "That, that I needed to tell Lex the truth. The whole truth."

"What! You can't. Lex Luthor is not someone you can trust with your secrets." Face flushed, Jonathan was almost shouting.

"I _have_ to tell Lex the truth." Clark could feel a blush start heat his face. "Not only that, but I have to tell him how I feel about him."

Jonathan's eyes widened and then narrowed. "How _do_ you feel about him, Clark?"

"I... I... I sort of, well, I am kind of, oh, God..." Clark closed his eyes and saw the graves of everyone he loved. "I love him. Dad. I don't mean it as a friend, either."

"You're gay?" Jonathan's voice cracked and he was starting to look a little green, which wasn't his color at all.

Well, Clark wouldn't have chosen the term _gay_ , exactly. Though he supposed that it would have to do since that's what he was going to be in a couple of hours. If things worked out. And they had to. So, "Yes. I am."

"You didn't think to mention this to your mother and me before this?" Jonathan seemed somewhere between genuinely hurt that Clark hadn't confided in him and uncomfortable about the whole subject.

Standing, Clark needed to move, to try and counteract the energy flowing through him. He was glad his father hadn't totally freaked. "I was sort of thinking about it."

"Telling us or being gay?" Jonathan's tone was still too calm, too accepting.

It made Clark more uneasy. "Both. But it doesn't matter now, since I have to tell Lex everything."

"I --" Jonathan stopped. "I think you need to think seriously about this before you do anything."

"I have to listen to what he said to me, because, because..." Clark took a deep breath and met his father's eyes, trying to convey a confidence he didn't feel. "Because if I don't then everyone I love will die."

"That's ridiculous." He could tell Jonathan was starting to lose patience with him and the situation, not that he had a lot to begin with, but it was pretty obvious that what little he had was just about gone. "You can't expect me to believe that a man claiming to be you --"

"Dad, you saw him. He _was_ me." Clark looked at his father and half expected him to deny it anyway.

Jonathan made an impatient gesture with his hand, but didn't try to deny it. "All right. It doesn't mean you have to become involved with --" Jonathan choked on Lex's name. "With Lex Luthor."

"Dad. Don't make this more difficult than it has to be." Clark crossed his arms over his chest. "I'm going to do what he said I have to do."

"I can stop you." Jonathan mimicked Clark's gesture and glared at him. The stern, disapproving parent was a look he did very well, especially when he wanted Clark to obey him.

However, Clark had years of dealing with his father. He just looked back, not giving in. "Not this time, dad. No choice here." He smiled tentatively at his father. "It's not like I'm going to try and seduce him..."

Maybe that wasn't the best choice of things to say because Jonathan looked outraged, as if the thought of what he and Lex might do just occurred to him. "If that bastard touches you, I swear I'll kill him."

"God. Dad. Get a grip. It's not like he could do anything without my permission. I want to date him. Not--"

"What?" Jonathan spat out, displeasure in every line of his body. He took a breath and then another, clearly trying to calm down. "You expect me to accept a relationship between you and Lex Luthor? It's not going to happen. Me accepting it, or you having it."

Clark didn't want his father to be hurt. "Whether or not you accept the relationship isn't an issue, because it's going to happen--"

"No. It's not." Damn, his father could be the most stubborn man in the world when he thought he had to make a stand.

Clark stood up straight, squaring his shoulders and looking down at his father. "I'm not going to stand here and argue. I'd rather you were alive and hating me than dead and loving me. So, nothing you can say to me will stop me from going there tonight. Nothing." He took a deep breath and tried to look reassuring. "I'm not going to do anything stupid or rash. Lex and I will take it slowly. Okay? One step at a time. Both of us."

"Clark, listen to me. You don't have to do this--"

"Yes, I do. Dad. More than having to do it, I want to." Well, okay, that was a bit of an over statement, but Clark could extrapolate that he _would_ have wanted it soon anyway.

"Please. Just think." Holding his hands out in appeal, Jonathan seemed to be imploring Clark to understand.

The thing was that Clark did understand, this wasn't negotiable. "God, Dad, I have been thinking. Okay? I've got to do this. I know I do. I need your support."

Jonathan opened his mouth to say something, but he closed it and was silent for a moment. "I don't know if I can do that. Don't you realize what you're asking of me?"

"Yes. I do. I really do, but you have to understand that this is too important for me not to do. I wish you wouldn't fight me on this."

Shaking his head, Jonathan looked away. "I can't accept this, Clark. I'm sorry. I just can't."

"Dad, I--" Clark realized there was nothing left to say and took a step towards the stairs. "I'm sorry, too."

"Clark. You can't go," his father called after him, but Clark was set on his course and couldn't stop now.

* * *

Slipping through the front gate of the castle, Clark walked slowly up the drive, trying to decide what he was going to say and how he was going to say it. He pushed his trembling hands into his pockets, keeping his head down, hoping to think of a pithy opening line.

As he reached the front door, he saw one of Lex's cars parked out front. The hood was still warm. Until that moment, the possibility that Lex might not be home hadn't even occurred to Clark. The door opened as he reached it.

Lex stood framed in the light, wearing one of his best suits. Although Clark had always found the idea of Lex having a best suit pretty funny. How did one distinguish between them: very expensive and well-made, and, what, even more expensive and better-made than that? He shook his head, knowing already that he was in trouble if he was thinking of Lex's suits.

"Clark. It's a little late for a social call, isn't it?" Despite his words to the contrary, Lex opened the door to invited him inside with a nod of his head. "What can I do for you?"

Gulping and looking down at Lex, who was now too close. Clark could smell the remnants of expensive cologne and the hint of scotch. "I need to talk to you. It's important."

"Sure. I just got back from a meeting with my father and was having a drink." Lex sounded like the drink hadn't done him any good.

"You had a meeting this late?" Clark hated it when Lex had to drive to Metropolis and work all day and then get home at some ungodly hour, hungry and tired. Lionel was such a jerk to treat his son that way.

"Well, it started at the normal time, but as usual, it ran over. Do you want something to eat or drink?" Lex pushed open the doors of his office and took a seat behind his desk, waving Clark to the leather sofa.

"No. Thanks." Like he could even think about food with his stomach doing a tap-dance. He couldn't quite believe he was going to be so bold, but he pushed Lex's chair back and seated himself on the desk directly in front of him. In Lex's personal space.

"Clark?" Lex's voice sort of rose an octave as he looked wide-eyed at him and licked his lips. "Um..."

Taking a deep breath, Clark raced on before he lost his nerve. "What if I told you that everything in our future depends on us becoming lovers?"

Lex looked shell-shocked, but not displeased. He didn't respond in any other way, except to lick his lips again.

Feeling awkward and clumsy, but driven nonetheless, Clark leaned forward and captured Lex's face with one hand and drew him slowly, inexorably into a kiss.

Still for just a moment, Lex's lips were soft and warm and started to move under his. Responding, Clark opened his mouth and Lex's tongue pushed in, dueling, and darting along his mouth. Clark groaned, tightening his hands a little, but trying to be careful of Lex.

Lex made a sound in the back of his throat, something between a sob and a moan, and exploded out of his chair, pinning Clark backward on the desk, one of his wrists in each hand, held against the glass surface.

It would have been easy for Clark to break the hold, but he couldn't bring himself to do it, even though he wasn't completely comfortable. He tried to respond to the passion in the kiss, but it had already left him behind. Lex's mouth crushed into his and he whimpered. This wasn't what he'd imagined when he'd thought about kissing Lex.

"God, I have wanted you for so long," Lex said against his mouth, before kissing him even harder, and pressing his body into Clark's.

He wanted to hold Lex, to kiss softly, to get to know him. This was too far, too fast. Clark didn't know what to do. They had to became lovers. If this was what Lex wanted, then he would just have to let it happen. From the hardness against his thigh, Clark could tell that Lex was excited by what he was doing. Clark was a little disappointed. Maybe it would get better with time.

Lex raised his mouth again. "Clark, I want to fuck you so hard, you'll see stars."

"Sure. I want that, you, too." To Clark's ears, he didn't sound very convincing, and he wasn't sure about getting into that either.

It didn't seem to matter to Lex. He ground down into Clark's groin, and shuddered, his breath becoming erratic and then catching. Clark felt the tremors in Lex's body, and then heard him groan Clark's name before collapsing completely.

For several seconds, there was absolute silence, broken only by the sound of Lex trying to catch his breath. When he finally did, he lifted off Clark and sat down heavily in his chair, but he wouldn't meet Clark's eyes.

"Would it help to say I'm sorry?" Lex sounded miserable.

Clark fought his way to a sitting position again. Lex looked miserable, too. "Sure. But?" He had no idea what to say, what to ask, what he should do. This so hadn't gone the way he thought it was supposed to. "Um... What happened?"

"I..." Lex turned the chair away from him, facing the empty fireplace. "Isn't it blatantly obvious that I lost control?" Bit out, the words were harshly spoken, filled with embarrassment and self-disgust. "Completely lost it would be closer to the truth."

"It's okay." Thank God. Maybe they could work something out. But they couldn't have this conversation with Lex looking away. Reaching out, Clark grabbed the top of the chair and despite considerable resistance from Lex, he turned it back.

"It's not okay at all. Luthors don't do that. _I_ don't do that." Lex might be facing him, but he certainly wasn't looking at him. Clearly, there was something fascinating about the carpet under the desk. "I think you should leave now, before something else humiliating happens."

"No. I don't think leaving will solve anything. Come on, Lex, everyone loses it once in a while." He held up a hand when Lex opened his mouth to deny that he was human enough to lose control. "Give yourself a break. It's late. You're tired, and you've been drinking, probably had a rotten time with your dad--"

"Don't make excuses for me, okay, Clark. Just don't. I feel bad enough about this. I acted like a boar in heat. There is no excuse for treating you that way." Bitter regret filled every word.

Clark tried to smile, but the desolation in Lex's eyes made him sad. "Well, let's say it was a momentary aberration or something. We can work on it, okay? Get it better the next time."

"I can't believe you'd even want a next time," Lex said as if he believed that Clark would give up just because it wasn't perfect.

He was made of tougher stuff than that. "I'm hoping the second time is going to be better than the first."

"Fuck. You were a virgin." Lex looked up at him and for a second, his eyes remorseful. "I don't think I can ever make _that_ up to you."

"I'm still a virgin," Clark muttered. "We, I mean, I didn't..."

Lex's face showed his guilt and embarrassment. He nodded jerkily.

To Clark, that was the least of their worries. Being sexually incompatible would be a lot worse than a lousy almost first time. "It's okay. I mean, it's important for us to be lovers."

"You mean it, don't you? Here I thought that was just the best come-on line I've ever heard." His face was amused when he finally looked at Clark. "Why is it so important?"

Clark froze. He couldn't tell Lex the truth, not about the other Clark and especially not about the future. It would hurt him too much, no, worse than that, it would devastate him.

However, Lex was looking at him, waiting for him to say something and what could he say? He felt the air get trapped in his lungs and he coughed a little.

His jaw tightening, Lex seemed to be losing patience. "What are you trying to tell me?"

Clark was still failing to come up with anything remotely viable. He shrugged and looked away.

"I'm starting to get a bad feeling about this." The small smile faded off Lex's face. "Why do we _have_ to became lovers?" Lex's tone had gone blank, and his face expressionless.

"Because I want to be with you so badly." God, could he get any more lame than that? He didn't even sound convincing to himself.

"As much as that is salve for my ego, I don't think that's the reason, somehow." Lex's tone had gone from blank to cold. Apparently, he thought it was lame too.

There had to be something he could say to get Lex off this track. "I just don't want there to be any more secrets between us."

That didn't seem to be working, either. Lex shook his head "Clark? Is this another secret?"

Or a lie. God, that was the last thing they needed. But he couldn't tell. "Can we just forget the whole thing?"

"All right. You can leave and we'll forget this ever happened." Lex looked away, his eyes sad. "I knew it was too good to be true."

"No. Just what I said. Not what we were doing."

"You can't have it both ways, Clark." Folding his arms over his chest, Lex shook his head. "I expected better of you."

"What? How?"

"You tell me what this looks like: you show up here, late, and throw yourself at me, telling me you'd let me do anything," Lex said, his tone flat, but there was something seething underneath the calm.

It did sound bad and, from Lex's point of view, it must seem like he was treating Lex like everyone else treated him. "It's not what you think. I mean, yes, I wanted to..." Clark felt that damnable blush start again. "I have reason to believe that you wanted me too. And that..."

"That I'd take you up on it. Well, you got that right, didn't you?"

"Yeah, not exactly the way I'd planned." Clark laughed a little. "This is so not going the way I thought it would."

"What did you think, Clark? That I'd just fall at your feet."

"I kind of hoped it wouldn't be so complicated. That you'd want me."

"I do. I think that was rather pathetically obvious. What I'm trying to figure out is whether or not you really want me."

Surprised, Clark turned to face him. "Why would you doubt that? I'm here. I let you..."

"That would be my first clue. You let me. Are you attracted to men in general or me in specific?"

Clark had no idea where this was coming from. All he could do was answer honestly. "Men in general? Well, I did think the guy who played Anakin in Attack of the Clones was pretty cute. In specific, I do, um, find you attractive." Clark could feel the blush start in his toes.

"Do you think you could be _any_ more convincing?" Lex could do condescending like no one's business.

"I..." Clark ducked his head and closed his eyes for a second. "I wanted to do it, before. I wanted you. But," he trailed off.

"Yes?" Lex raised an eyebrow, looking grim. "You didn't like it. I can understand that. I would have thought you'd be out of here after that."

"No. I mean, well, yes. I want to try again. It's not about sex. It's about how I feel about you."

"Sex is important."

Clark blushed again. "Yes. It is. But how I feel, how you feel, it's more important. I didn't come over here to have sex, exactly. I came over here to tell you how I felt about you."

"That's not what you said, Clark. You said we had to be lovers. That implies sex."

"Okay. So, I put it badly. Can't we start again?"

"No."

"Then, can we go on from here?"

"No. I think you should go home." Lex looked at the empty fireplace, his back stiff.

God, and he thought his father was stubborn.

"Forget it. I'm not leaving, so quit asking me to." Clark met Lex's gaze head-on. "I know that you care about me. That you love me."

"Whatever gave you that idea?" Even though Lex was probably trying for a dismissive tone, he didn't come close to being convincing.

"Aside from everything else, your reaction to me a little while ago sort of was a major clue." Clark looked hard at him. "Are you telling me that you don't? Because, you know, I don't think I'm going to believe that..." Trailing off, Clark didn't need to finish.

Lex opened his mouth, and then he closed it again. There was doubt forming in his eyes. "I... God, I could hate you."

"The distance between love and hate is very short. I don't want you to hate me; I want you to love me," Clark gasped out, suddenly afraid of what Lex said.

"I need to know where you stand on it." There was too much resignation in the words. "Do you love me?"

It wasn't something he could lie about, and he wasn't completely sure yet, just pretty sure. "I know what you want and I want the same thing."

"That wasn't the question." Lex looked at him then, and Clark saw the resignation, and hope, and fear in his face.

"I know. I'm trying to be honest here. I care about you. A lot." He met Lex's eyes and what he saw didn't please him. "I'm about this close," he held up his fingers about a centimeter apart. "To being completely gone on you. But..."

"But you're not there yet?" Lex asked, more resignation in his tone, possibly a few other things that Clark couldn't identify.

"I know you're the one. Does that make a difference?"

Lex nodded. "Yes, surprisingly, it does make a difference. I don't understand why you're here now. You should have waited until you were in love with me."

"I don't want to wait, Lex. I know this is right. I know it." Clark met Lex's eyes wanting to convey his certainty and then took a breath, steeling himself. "I need to be completely honest with you."

"I thought that was what all of this was about," Lex said, looking puzzled.

"It's more than that. I think you know what I'm talking about." Clark could feel the sweat starting to pool in the small of his back and under his arms.

"Ah." Lex looked right at him, waiting. There was a light in his eyes that said he wanted to know badly.

Clark could understand that. He swallowed shallowly. Okay. He could say it. Closing his eyes, Clark opened his mouth and the words would not come out. A kind of squawk was emitted, but no other sound. "God."

"Clark. You don't have to." Oh, but Lex sounded like he was lying.

"No. No I need to say this. It's just not that easy." Understatement of the century. But he did want to tell Lex.

"Would it help to say that I already know?" He gave Clark an encouraging smile. "I mean, I've pretty much guessed that you're a mutant."

If only. Clark shook his head, looking down at his dirty sneakers and then back up. "I'm not, though."

"You're not a mutant?" Lex's eyes narrowed and he tilted his head, an eyebrow raised as if to ask 'what are you?'.

Miserably, Clark shook his head again. "No. I caused the mutants and you to lose your hair and everything else that happened in this town. All of it is my fault."

"Why exactly do you think that?" Lex asked, disbelief clear on his face.

"Because..." Clark felt his heart start to pound hard. Before he could go too far down the panic road, he backed up and braced himself. "Because I came down with the meteors."

It took a second, and then realization dawned on Lex's face. "You mean, you _came_ with the meteors, as in from somewhere else?"

"As in, not from Kansas."

"Oh." Lex was silent, his brow creased, frowning.

Trying as hard as he could not to fidget as he stood there, Clark's whole being was centered on waiting for Lex to say something. He could almost see Lex working it through in his mind.

After way too long a time, Lex looked up and said, "Okay."

"What?" Clark didn't understand what he meant. "God, Lex. I just told you I was an alien and you're saying it's okay?"

"I did get that. And, yes, I said that." His tone was perfectly calm, reasonable. As if he were talking about the weather: it's going to rain today.

"You don't have a problem with this?" Because if someone had told Clark that, someone who was almost a lover, he'd probably have at least some small kind of problem with it.

"No. Well, yes, I do have a tremendous problem with it. But, on the other hand, you are my friend and you just told me a secret. One, I don't think I have to tell you I'll keep." Lex looked at him hard. "With my life."

"But... but..." Clark was literally speechless. "How can you just..." He shrugged, still not finding words.

"Because, well..." Lex sighed and looked at him. "This isn't easy for you, and I don't want to push you. I think we're going to have time to talk about it later."

"Later?" If things worked out then there would be a lot of later. "Like when?"

"Soon, I promise. I think we've talked about enough things for one night." Lex's tone sounded way too much like a dismissal.

Clark was so not going for that. "We haven't resolved anything yet."

"We will," Lex promised. "Soon."

Now would be better for Clark's peace of mind. "Can we get back to the first part of the conversation?" His face felt so hot that he wondered if he were glowing. "I was sort of hoping we'd try again."

"I'm not sure that's a good idea." It was pretty obvious that Lex liked the idea better than he was saying. "At least for right now."

"Why not? I mean, practice and all that." God, when had he gotten to be so bold?

"Clark. Please. I think you should go home now. Let's save this for another time."

"Is that your answer to everything? To send me home?" Clark tilted his head and looked at Lex. "I'm not going anywhere. Okay? Get that through your head."

"Clark--"

"No. Lex. I want to. I want you." The more Lex argued with him, the more Clark was sure that he was doing some kind of weird denial thing. "What is it going to take to convince you this, you, is really, truly what I want?"

"Clark." It was a plea. Lex's shoulder's slumped, as if all the fight had suddenly been drained out of him. "I can't fight what I want this badly. I just can't."

"Then you have to give in, and we'll be together. Like we're supposed to be. Like you want to be. Like I want to be." Clark felt lightheaded with relief.

Looking overwhelmed, Lex nodded. "I suppose I have no choice. God, your father is going to get his shotgun and kill me when he finds out."

Well, at least there was one objection he could deal with. "He knows."

Lex looked like he might choke. "You're telling me that Jonathan Kent let his virgin son come over here to seduce the son of Satan?"

"Lex--"

For some unknown reason, Lex laughed. "I've fallen down the rabbit hole."

"Lex, wait a sec--"

Backing away, and shaking his head, Lex held both hands in front of him. "No, Alice. I'm completely unprepared to deal with this." Lex made a show of looking around. "I'm sure the Mad Hatter is around here somewhere."

"He knows, but he doesn't approve."

Looking faintly appalled by the idea, Lex nodded. "Of course, he doesn't. I think you need to leave before anything else too strange to imagine happens."

"Forget it. I told you I wasn't going to leave, probably ever. You're completely stuck with me." Clark pulled himself up to his full height and crooked a finger at Lex. "I think it's time for you to come here."

Astonishingly obedient, Lex stepped up to him, and Clark wrapped his arms around him, savoring the feel of Lex's body against his.

Taking a deep breath, Lex stepped back, out of his arms. " I feel pretty bad about what happened before. I know you didn't get anything out of what we, I, did."

"You did kind of leave me at the starting gate." Clark laughed and leaned down, close. "If I kiss you again, will you, you know, stay together this time?"

"Promise." Lex tipped his head up, accepting Clark's lips on his.

"Mmmm." Clark murmured, leaning into the sweet kiss, tracing his tongue along Lex's mouth until he opened up and let him in. "Can we keep it like this? You know, sort of slow."

"I think so." Lex slipped his arms around Clark's neck and pressed gently up against him, kissing him again, deeper this time.

Clark moaned softly, sliding his hands down Lex's back, feeling the smooth muscles beneath the linen of his shirt. He opened his mouth and let Lex's tongue stroke along his and then retreat. It didn't take him long to figure out that game, and then it was Lex who groaned, tightening his arms.

"Tell me what you think about," Lex said as he broke the kiss and panted. "When you're alone, when you touch yourself and think of me."

"Oh God." Clark didn't want to think or talk. He wanted to hold Lex and kiss him some more. Leaning down, he kissed Lex again, and for a moment, Lex allowed it, but after a couple of minutes, he pulled back again.

"Don't distract me, okay? I need to know." Lex trailed a hand down Clark's chest, fingers stroking lightly over his shirt.

It felt so good to have Lex touching him, Clark leaned into his hand, moaning softly as attentive fingers stroked over his nipple through the shirt. "I'd so rather distract you," Clark said, bending forward to kiss him again.

This time, Lex didn't let them connect, and worse, he took his hand away from Clark's shirt. "If we don't talk, we don't do anything else either."

"Aw, Lex." Clark put a lot of whine in his voice. Maybe, Lex would get the message. Talking was a bad thing, and kissing was a good thing. "Come on. I want to."

"What do you want?"

Breathing out hard, Clark knew he'd have to say it out loud. Some part of his mind appreciated that Lex wasn't going to just do it again the same way as before. But most of his body was complaining bitterly at the interruption. "I like to kiss. I've, well, I've never done anything else."

Eyes solemn, Lex nodded. "I know. I wish I could take back what happened before. That was so... so selfish of me. I want to make it up to you. So, tell me what to do. What you do."

Clark closed his eyes, he couldn't look at Lex when he said it. "I think about you straddling my knees, sitting on my lap, as I peel you out of one of your expensive suits."

"Like this one, or do you want me to put on something more expensive?" The grin on Lex's face said he'd change in a second if Clark wanted him to.

That made it a little easier to keep talking about it. "No, that's fine. It's kind of messed up already."

"Yeah, my dry-cleaner is going to hate me." Lex plucked the front of his pants and made a face. "Should I put back on the suit coat?"

Clark had to smile at that. "Would you, really?"

His eyes sparkling with pleasure, Lex nodded. "Of course I would. You gave me one of my fantasies. Let me do this for you. Make it the way it should have been. That is if you stop distracting me, and tell me the rest."

"That's mostly it."

"What do you think about?" Lex was relentless.

"I think about what you'll look like. What you'll taste like." Clark laughed nervously. "I wonder whether or not you'll have freckles." He ducked his head to hide his blush. "Or hair."

"Do you want me to answer either of those before we go further?" Lex asked, sounding like he was holding his breath.

When Clark looked at him, he wasn't smiling, but there was amusement in his eyes. "No. I'd rather find out on my own."

"Go, sit on the sofa. Or would you rather go up to my room?"

Without having to think about it a lot, Clark sat down on the leather sofa. "Here."

Moving across the room, Lex put on his suit coat, and retied his tie, then glided up to stand in front of him. "Okay?"

Unable to speak just then, Clark nodded.

Lex slid forward onto Clark's lap, putting both arms around his neck and kissing him softly.

Clark fell into the kiss, letting Lex's taste and scent fill his mind. Moaning, he moved his hands to Lex's shoulders, under the jacket, making sure not to rip it as he slid it off, dropping it to the ground in a jumbled heap. The tie came next, and then he spent a lot of time opening the smaller-than-usual buttons on Lex's shirt before pushing the shirt off completely.

For a moment, Clark sat back, drinking in the sight of Lex's pale skin, his small light brown nipples, the flatness of his belly, the muscles of his upper body. With the infinite care such beauty deserved, Clark ran his fingers up and then down Lex's torso, across his chest and down his arms again.

Lex drew in a sharp breath and then sighed, closing his eyes and leaning into Clark's touch.

Before he had a chance to continue on his journey of discovery, Lex's hands moved to the hem of Clark's shirt, and pulled it over his head, tossing it to the floor to join Lex's discarded clothes. Running his fingers down Clark's chest, fanning them to touch with a flat sweep, Lex's hands seemed everywhere at once.

"You are so amazing, Clark. So incredibly beautiful. Like a dream come true," Lex said with an intensity that delighted and surprised Clark.

"God, Lex. You are too." He leaned down and kissed Lex, moving down his throat to his neck. Groaning softly at the taste of Lex's smooth, smooth flesh. Running a finger lightly across the Lex's collar bone, where a smattering of freckles dotted the skin, he connected one freckle to the next with an imaginary line. Bending his head, he traced it again with his tongue.

Lex moaned, his head falling back. "God, Clark."

"Yes." Pushing Lex gently off his lap, Clark unbuckled the leather belt, and opened Lex's pants, pushing them off and then stopped to let Lex step out of his shoes and socks. Finally, Lex stood naked before him.

Drawing in a deep breath, Clark could not believe how magnificent Lex was just standing there under his gaze, without moving, letting Clark look his fill. A rush of pride, possessiveness and desire hit him.

Lex was his. His and no one else's. God, that was so amazing.

"You're mine," Clark said, not really a question, more of a confirmation.

Lex looked at him and nodded. "Yes."

The sweetest warmest feeling he could have possibly imagined swept through him, making it hard to breathe. Clark nodded. "Yours too."

Then, he had to move, had to touch Lex. He leaned forward to press a kiss to Lex's stomach. Turning Lex around, Clark pressed another kiss to his back, between his shoulder blades. Licking down his spine, he nuzzled at the small dimples he found right above the swell of Lex's ass, his hands moving lightly over Lex's slim hips.

Lex groaned with each touch, pushing back into his mouth.

Caught between desire and embarrassment, Clark froze where he was. He couldn't go any lower, even though some part of him wanted to, wanted to taste every inch of Lex's body, but he couldn't quite bring himself to do it. "Sorry. I can--"

"Never, ever say that. This is about what you want to do." Turning back to face him, Lex put both hands on his shoulders and leaned in, kissing him hard. "It's supposed to be fun. Try and remember that."

"I'll keep it in mind," Clark said as Lex stepped even closer, kissing him again.

While Clark was still breathless, Lex reached for the button on his jeans and undid the zipper. Standing up, Clark toed off his boots, and then bent to pull off his socks, excitement hummed on every one of his nerve endings.

When he was completely naked, he tried to stand without fidgeting like Lex had done, but he couldn't do it. He was blushing too hard. When he would have looked away, Lex brought his face back.

"You're so beautiful, Clark. I don't have words to tell you how beautiful you are to me." Lex knelt in front of him and Clark had to close his eyes or he'd come on the spot. His hands cradled Lex's head gently as his fingers traced small circles his scalp.

Lex's hands moved to his hips, and then to his balls, making Clark groan with pleasure. Softly, almost in slow motion, Lex bent his head and took him into his mouth. Clark whimpered as he was engulfed in warm, wet heat. He wanted to thrust forward, but he was afraid he might hurt Lex.

After a second or two, it didn't matter anymore. Pleasure cascaded out of him in a blinding rush of emotions and sensation. He cried out Lex's name as he came harder than he'd ever done in his life. His knees giving way under the onslaught, he and Lex ended up on a heap on the floor.

Holding Clark close, stroking his hair, Lex had a look of such profound love and satisfaction on his face that Clark was humbled before it.

In that second, Clark knew he returned the emotions that Lex felt, measure for measure. "I love you," he whispered.

There was a moment of glitter in Lex's eyes before it disappeared, and he smiled. "I know."

"You do? I thought..."

"What did you think?" Lex nuzzled his neck.

Clark forgot what he was thinking for a moment and he kissed Lex again. Then he remembered. "Oh yeah, that you didn't believe me."

"I've been known to believe six impossible things before breakfast," Lex said, smirking at him.

"Now who's Alice?"

"Actually, it was the queen who said it, which now that I think about it, might be fairly appropriate in this context."

Snickering, Clark kissed him. "I don't think so. I'm glad that you believe me."

Lex put a hand on his cheek, and looked right into his eyes. "I reevaluated the situation as soon as you started to touch me."

"It was okay, then?" Clark had been so afraid that he'd end up being too awkward or too clumsy.

"It was beyond okay as it could possibly be." Lex rolled on top of him.

There was some unfinished business pressing against his thigh. He put a hand on Lex's butt, stroking softly. "Can I?"

"You can do anything you want. I mean that. Anything at all." Lex gave him a friendly leer and wiggled his bottom.

"Um..." Clark closed his eyes. Being honest was important, but... Oh, God. He didn't want to sound like he was a kid or too young.

"What? Clark." Lex sat up and took his hand, pulling him up to a sitting position, too. "Talk to me."

Feeling his cheeks heat, Clark looked away. Wishing he could avoid it and knowing he couldn't. "Nothing."

"The only way this is going to have a shot in hell of working is if we are completely honest with each other." Lex looked serious again. "I mean it, Clark. Full confession time."

"For you too?" Because there were things on both sides that needed to taken out and aired between them.

"For me too. This first, since it came up first. What upset you?"

"Not upset exactly. Just..." Clark shrugged and leaned into Lex, hiding his blush. "I might not, well, be ready for _everything_ yet."

When Clark looked up again, there was understanding in Lex's eyes. "Of course not. Everything else will come only when you want it to. I'll never push you. If I do, you'll have to tell me. No more lying back and thinking of England."

"I wasn't thinking of England... oh, you idiot." Clark pulled Lex back down with him and kissed him, hands moving along Lex's sleek body. "I want to tell you the rest of it, about my gifts, and there are a few things you could tell me, too."

"I know, but it's waited this long. I think that everything else can wait a little while longer, can't it?" Lex bucked his hips into Clark's thigh.

Clark laughed and nodded. "Are you trying to tell me something?"

"Here I thought I was being subtle."

"Not," Clark said reaching for Lex.

It felt a little odd to be holding another guy's dick in his hand, but Clark picked up the rhythm pretty quick. If the wonderful sounds Lex was making were any indication, he wasn't doing a half-bad job of it, either.

Arching his back and groaning out Clark's name, Lex came all over his hand. Clark lifted a finger to his mouth, and tasted. A little slick, but not too bad. Next time, he'd try sucking it.

As Clark pulled his finger out of his mouth, Lex groaned again, eyes wide. "That is so sexy."

Clark just smiled and kissed him.

Later, when they finally made it up to Lex's huge bed, and were snuggled under the down comforter, warm and safe, Clark spared a thought for the other Clark and what he found when he got home.

* * *

When Clark's feet touched down on the balcony of Lex Luthor's penthouse in Metropolis, the memories assailed him, overwhelming him and his knees buckled under the onslaught. Two different time-lines converged in his head. He remembered the destruction of the city, and the hate and antipathy between him and Lex.

Overlaid was a lifetime of love and joy. He and Lex had been together for twenty years. Throughout their lives together, Lex had been infinitely patient and protective of him, giving everything he needed. In turn, Clark had tried to be what Lex needed him to be, letting him know when he started to stray too close to the edge of the path.

Lex's political aspirations were only now beginning to see fruition. It was still somewhat of a stigma to be in a gay relationship, but one that had lasted as long and as faithfully as theirs had was much more acceptable.

As his hands and knees hit the concrete, Lex, dressed in a tux with a pale lavender shirt, rushed out, kneeling beside him. "Are you okay? Where have you been?"

Clark looked at him, panting, flooded with a million different emotions, most of them good and loving. "I'm fine. I think."

Lex looked concerned and he reached out to touch Clark's cheek. "What happened? I've been worried about you. You're not usually this late."

"I'm not sure I can explain it." He'd never be able to talk about what happened, even if it hadn't happened at all.

Lex seemed to understand, and nodded. "As long as you're okay."

"Yes. I'm fine."

"Good," Lex said, pulling a pocket-watch from his pants, looked at it and then at Clark. "You have about thirty seconds to shower and get dressed. We need to meet your parents downstairs in five minutes."

Standing up, Lex held out his hand to Clark. He took it and when they were eye to eye, he kissed Lex softly. "You know that I love you dearly?"

Lex's brilliant smile made it all worth it. "Yeah, I know. Me, too."

"I know."

Lex looked at his watch again. "However, you now have twenty seconds--"

Clark started to move before Lex finished speaking and by the time he was done, no more than the allotted time had passed. "Finished."

Lex kissed him, and stepped through the French doors back into the penthouse. "Have I mentioned you're amazing?"

"Not lately. You've been busy. What with the campaign and all."

"I'm ahead in all the polls." Lex's eyes glowed, delighted. It was forgone conclusion that he'd win.

The Lex Luthor of this time-line had completely escaped the cloud of treachery and deceit that still hung over his father. He'd made his own way in the business world, doing things honestly. Ironically, making more money that his father could have dreamed of having.

"You'll win. I know you will."

Lex nodded. "I need to thank your parents for all their help. They turned out to be great at campaigning."

"Just supporting their sons, like they are supposed to do." Surprisingly, his parents had accepted Lex as his choice. Okay, it was more like they'd pretty much resigned themselves to it from the beginning. His mother had gotten with the program sooner, and tried endlessly to fatten Lex up, which both of them had found amusing, but nothing she ever baked managed to stick to Lex's thin frame. She was still trying.

"Yeah. What an amazing thing that is. We need to go." Lex held the door open for him as he went through it.

After a few hours, when the old memories didn't fade, Clark knew he would always remember the other time line, always remember living it, even as he lived this better, changed life. The absolute knowledge of what might have been was the cost for changing the future, and as far as Clark could see, it was small price to pay.

\--finis

December 8, 2002


End file.
